We assembled here today are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this day forward, it’s going to be only America first, America first.–Inauguration address
I won the greatest victory ever. I beat 18 others. The people love me. I won the popular vote by an unbelievable margin. My inauguration was the greatest ever. More people cheered me than any other.
I promised to make America great again, and I would have done that. I appointed an unbelievable cabinet, the best in history. I alone know how to bring back jobs, make our streets safe, our schools wonderful, promote prosperity for all, make America number one again.
The people love me except for losers, soreheads, and die hard Democrats–people who wanted crooked Hillary as President. They lost and should shut up. But the system is rigged, my enemies obstructed my efforts to make America great again. The lying press, the very worst, the most dishonest people, slandered me. Some losers in Congress, even Republicans, blocked me.
I won, but I don’t need this job. The vilification, the aggravation make me tired. I appointed Mike Pence, the greatest VP candidate ever. He is the best; let him do this nasty job. America could have had the greatest President and hottest First Lady ever, but now you can have second best. Suck it up, losers, I quit.
© William Hungerford – January 22, 1017